Own them, or they will own you.
Few would deny the value of maintaining meaningful traditions. Cohesive memories are connectors: to people as well as to times long past. “We always… bake cranberry bread, decorate a live tree, go Christmas caroling, burn the sugar cookies…” Family identity is shaped by these shared events, repeated as ritual. We may remember childhood by scents from the kitchen. Or remember Grandma as we hang one of the ornaments she painted with us. Mixed in with the memories of burnt cookies and occasionally toppled trees, we remember that we are, indeed, a family. And through all of the changes and challenges, we remain a team for life.
Traditions can, however, pile on to the point of suffocating the joy from your holiday. Feeling like you have to do something creates a whole different feeling than indulging the desire to do it. An exhausted and frazzled friend once tried to explain to me why she had to bake specialty cookies late at night because she did it “every year”. “I always take them in on the last day of school. Everyone expects it!” And then she miserably raced off to the grocery at 10PM to prolong a tradition that had become a trap.
Every so often, as children grow and life evolves in new directions, it’s helpful to evaluate why we’re doing what we do. Keep the best. Dump the rest. Give yourself breathing space to enjoy the traditions that matter most.
Here are a few of ours:
